Tuesday, January 3, 2012
|photos by Jonathan Schechter|
January 3rd, 2012
Dear Mr. Squirrel: Here's the deal. Listen up and pay attention! A few days before New
Year's Eve you discovered my BIRD feeding station. Please note the word BIRD. It is NOT a
squirrel feeding station! You Mr. Fox Squirrel (For humans reading this fox squirrel is the
species of squirrel in these pictures) are meant to be hanging out in leafy nests high up in oak
trees and munching on black walnuts and acorns.
You are not!
From sunrise to sunset you are at my feeders. You sit in the platform feeder swinging away
and spilling a good portion of the seed in the process and eat the rest. When chickadees or
other small birds fly in you brace yourself and almost swat at them.
That is just rude and must stop!
And now when it gets windy you move to my window feeder and you climb
inside and actually sprawl your pathetic body out on the seed as you eat like a
FAT FARM PIG* and ignore my tapping from my side of the window.
(*Sorry farm pigs, no insult intended)
This too must stop!
This may be politically incorrect but fact of the matter Mr. Squirrel; Just look at yourself!
You are becoming a morbidly obese ball of lazy fur and if you think in spring a foxy lady
squirrel is going to want any of your fat tail, you have another think coming.
I do not know if you are susceptible to heart disease but your days are numbered.
And here are the two main reasons:
1. You are becoming too fat to escape from a fox or coyote.
2. You are already too fat to scurry from a red-tailed hawk.
And if you do not pay attention to my warning and get back to your wilder ways of life
I have a good friend who told me that seed fed squirrel meat is just delicious.
Respectfully yours and with best regards,