Thursday, July 22, 2010

An Open Letter to Mr. Groundhog, A.K.A. Woodchuck


Dear Mr. Groundhog,

Your days are numbered Mr. Groundhog.  Or maybe it's Mrs. or Ms. I really don't care. You think you are cute and lovable and have full range of the land. Let me make something perfectly clear to you.  I live on ll acres. I garden in less than sixty square feet. I have never messed with your monster mouth ways of munching on wild things in my meadows, your sucking down of the mulberry leaves from my  berry producing tree and I ignore your occasionaly mid-day raids into my cultivated wildflowers. And I know it is you and your flabby kin with bloated bodies that have dug those dens at the edge of the barn foundation. And I also know it's you that plops down and suns your fat lazy hide next to the glacial erratic. (And since you never took a geology class Mr. Groundhog, glacial erratic is the fancy name for that big rock from the Canadian shield that was pushed here during the last glacier. And you probably don't even know - cause all you do is eat and eat and eat - that your very name groundhog is interchangable with the word woodchuck.)  But now you boldy approach the very edge of my tiny vegtable garden and look at the goodies with those beedy little eyes of yours. And you seem to be saying that when I leave for work you are going to work---on my garden. Well, let me tell you something buddy! I am friends with the coyote, the red fox and the red tailed hawk. Call us kindred spirits.  And they have my blessings to do what they must do to do what they do to survive.  Let me explain that twisted sentence more clearly: THEY ARE GOING TO EAT YOU!  But there is a way out for you. Go away from the garden. Now! Don't even look back.  Run. Or maybe I should say waddle away. And then you won't meet their teeth, claws and fang. And then there will more left of you than the photo I took as you stared at me this morning.

with best regards,
Jonathan

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jonathan,

That was seriously funny! As a fellow Brandon Twp citizen, I concur with your comments, however, instead of letting your kindred sprit buddies eat that selfish Mr. Woodchuck, perhaps they can just give him one of their intimidating looks or snarls and scare his fat lazy hide away, lol!

Oh, if you have any comments on those pesky little moles that are destroying my yard, I am all ears!!

Great Blog!! Keep up the good work!!

July 22, 2010 at 11:01 AM 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny!

Perhaps you should just plant an extra garden next year...One for you and one for the woodchuck. ;)

July 23, 2010 at 8:57 AM 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Concering the mole question: Contrary to what lawn companys will tell you (they want your dollars with a contract!) There is little you can do now. Moles are very active near the surface now while ground is moist-they are feasting on small grubs near the surface. The chemical bath companys push are a very temporary fix.
My suggestion: ignore them. No permanent damage will result. Thanks for comments on the blog!
Jonathan

July 23, 2010 at 9:49 AM 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yep, I think you'll just have to plant a patch for them...

July 25, 2010 at 9:18 AM 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As was once told by 'The Great Turtle' "He who takes the Landlords bounty, may be served at the table of the vultures"

July 26, 2010 at 1:25 PM 

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